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by Red_C



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Comfort/Angst, Friendship, Gen, Introspection, Sibling Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-24 05:24:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12005958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Red_C/pseuds/Red_C
Summary: also known as: This is what happens when you leave Xu Ming Hao alone





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**Author's Note:**

> Shamlessly possesing Hao and using him to express what I feel with China line... which I dearly hope is not how they actually feel.  
> I explicitly put this as sibling love but if you want to see more than that, I'm not complaining at all.  
> It's a toughts fic, so there is barely any action happening.
> 
> My first ever English fic, unbetaed so if you find some grammar mistake or something please let me know.

Sometimes he wondered if he made the right choice. Yeah, sure, he dreamt of being a superstar since he can remember and he couldn’t even think of himself without dance

but…

But…

Days like today still makes him question if all the sacrifices, all the pain, all the loneliness are worth it.

He was – still is, even- ambitious, greedy and determined, so much he just left behind not only his family and friends, but his country altogether when he wasn’t even close to being legal to come to this foreign country, ending up here knowing barely how to say  ‘hi’, ‘thanks’ and ‘sorry’. He didn’t even mind it though; he was eager and willing to do anything and everything to achieve his lifelong dream.

He made it, objectively. He took the place of another boy like him, someone who probably couldn’t handle more pressure and left the spot available, allowing him to become a member of a boyband, of the most ambitious project under Pledis Entertainment: Seventeen. Then a full year of pure exhilaration. They were tired as hell, overworked out of their minds, but they were happy. He was happy.

That is part of the reason he doesn’t understand why he suddenly started to get more and more bitter. Well, he does know, actually, but wishes he didn’t, wished he was strong enough to look over it as he did before.

He –they, He and Junhui ge- were treated differently, and in hurted him a lot more that he was willing to admit out loud.

At the beginning he understood they didn’t give him lines; His Korean was frankly bad so obviously his pronunciation made it hard for the staff to consider him. He got it, so he worked twice as hard on the language, even after the insanely long dance practices and recordings, usually drifting up to sleep with a Korean book by his side.

It was worth it though, his improvement was amazing and not only the members but other Korean friends and coworkers noticed. He had become so good that he even started to think and dream in Korean. Yet, apparently, it was not enough for his company; he still sang the same little time each new song they recorded and thus, he still was one of the less demanded members… and he hated it.

The recent trend with him was the staff building up his hopes to then let them crash hard, which was happening quite a lot recently… and probably was why the doubts started to knock at his door profusely.

The recent experience that was paining him the most was Highlight. Performance team got a song, an actual song with them singing and rapping and everything all for themselves. It was wonderful, he still remembers the joy they got when they were informed, which amplified per 10 when they were said they even got a video for it. It was the perfect opportunity to show another side of themselves, with just four members the possibility to get spotlight was higher and he obviously sang. He honestly felt he was finally starting to get the attention he craved so much, but of course it was too much to ask.

Suddenly the company wanted to do a 13 members version of the song and just like that he was the one who got the most lines taken away. He will always remember that day, he actually cried in the studio’s bathroom after the new version was given to them. He didn’t deserve this… right?

It was one of the firsts times, and the most awful, but after that it started to get harder and harder to ignore those things. Everything piles up and piles up, and he is not sure if he will be able to handle everything… Sometimes, like today, he really feels like giving up, like saying fuck off to everyone and everything and head back to China, head back home.

Is when he can’t end a train of thoughts in Chinese and somewhere in the middle switches to Korean when he wants to run away. He already lost part of his personality, his joyfulness; he couldn’t afford to forget his mother tongue.

Lying on his bed in the fully dark dorm room he looked to the ceiling. He was alone, the other members were in schedules he, of course, wasn’t invited, giving him plenty of time to drown in thoughts.

‘Hao?’ came at some point, with a tiny knock on the door ‘You here?’ he asked in their common language, opening just slightly. Minghao didn’t know he was also in the dorm –must have come back from something-, and he also didn’t know how to react; A part of him didn’t want to get noticed while the other wanted some sort of reassurance, of warmth. The inner debate made him only turn his head sideways glancing Junhui, not saying any word.

Somehow the elder Chinese got it, in that almost telepathically way the understood each other. He just silently entered, closing the door behind him and settling next to Minghao in bed. Soon enough the youngest was clinging to his side.

‘ge’ he said, in a really soft whisper. They had dropped the only Korean rule long ago, when Minghao’s level was good enough and when both of them started fearing when some words in Chinese just weren’t in their minds. ‘Do you think being a K-pop idol was the right answer?’

It is not the first time this kind of exchange has occurred between them, but he couldn’t help it. He needed some answer.

‘You know I don’t know either, Hao… but it was the only option to become what we wanted, wasn’t it?’ He wants to protest, to say there were; they could have tried in China, probably made it even, but just when he was about to speak, he was interrupted ‘this was the only way to make a living out of it’ followed by a simple ‘uhm’ from Minghao as an answer. He knew it as well, it’s just that sometimes he liked to lie to himself ‘…and besides, the chances for us to meet up in China were pretty low… I prefer it here.’

Jun was right, once again. Although, arguably, if they never went out of their country, it would have made it unimportant, Junhui was now like a blood brother to him, and the only idea of never having met him made him anxious. He couldn’t wish about that… he couldn’t wish to not have met any of the members actually, but Junhui the most.

‘Sometimes I feel I made a mistake, you know... life here is not good and… why couldn’t we be more like the others?’ He knew, of course, but sometimes venting up frustrations eased him. Jun didn’t respond, but started caressing his head slowly.

‘We’re gonna be, Minghao, we just have to be strong… and we’re gonna be together in this. Always’

And suddenly Minghao broke down shedding tears, although they weren’t exactly bad tears. Jun really knew how to make him feel home. Yeah, he missed his parents, friends, the food and everything, but he gained a brother, eleven brothers even, but this one… Junhui ge, he made him feel he belonged, and suddenly everything made sense again.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, that's it, let me know if you liked it, didn't or anything in between  
> I apologize for any mistake (or misunderstanding) and because I honestly don't really know what this is.  
> Once again, if you find mistakes, let me know
> 
> It's actually weird that my first English fic is a Seventeen's one, given my huge amount of interests (and the fact that SVT added to them quite recently), but well, last week's concert still gets to me, and the performance of My I on Diamond Edge is simply beautiful. I'm terribly happy with their special vids today.


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